My Wings
by Flames101
Summary: PostEpLauren. Emily looks in on a colleague that was very special to her, only to find he's moved on without her. Song fic: Everytime, by Britney Spears . Please R&R!


**A/N:** Hello. This is a little song fic I wrote after listening to Britney Spears song Everytime (off her 2003 album In the Zone; here's a link to the song: www . youtube . com / watch ?v=A7woy4vejn8). I thought it fit perfectly for Emily's situation, post Lauren. I hope you enjoy! This is my first song fic ever, so let me know what you think!

**Disclaimer:** Lyrics do not belong to me. I assume they belong to Britney Spears or whoever wrote the song for her. I also don't own Criminal Minds. :Sigh: I don't really own anything…

**My Wings:**

_Notice me  
>Take my hand<br>Why are we  
>Strangers when<br>Our love is strong  
>Why carry on without me?<em>

There he was, just sitting there, all alone. She stood there, on the outside, looking in through the somewhat dingy windows of the diner. Her heart was aching for her to be in there, to be sitting in that booth with him. She wanted to put a smile on his too solemn looking face. But she couldn't. They were strangers to each other now.

_Everytime I try to fly  
>I fall without my wings<br>I feel so small  
>I guess I need you baby<br>And everytime I see you in my dreams  
>I see your face, it's haunting me<br>I guess I need you baby  
><em>

It'd been so long since they'd made that decision for her to die. It had been best for everyone, or so they'd said, or so she too thought. But three years had passed; three years of lonely nights, of changing hair color, changing names and persona's and it seemed, at this moment right now, to be all for nothing.

She kept escaping Doyle's clutches, but she was never able to fly far enough, long enough to completely evade him. She knew now she was missing her wings. She was missing her support. And as she looked through the window at the handsome man sitting inside she knew that it had been the dumbest decision she'd ever made. Because her wings, her support was sitting right there, lost to her seemingly forever now.

_I make believe  
>That you are here<br>It's the only way  
>I see clear<br>What have I done  
>You seem to move on easy<br>_

She continued to watch on as a pretty woman—brunette, like she once was—entered the diner, carrying a small child with her. They went straight for him and her heart nearly broke in two.

What kept her going these three long years was her belief that they were better off without her. But believing it and seeing it were two different things. He'd moved on with his life. He had a wife, a child, a family. She was no longer a part of it. To him she did not exist. And that was entirely her doing.

_And everytime I try to fly  
>I fall without my wings<br>I feel so small  
>I guess I need you baby<br>And everytime I see you in my dreams  
>I see your face, you're haunting me<br>I guess I need you baby_

She watched him laugh happily as he took his child from his wife; bouncing the baby, making the baby giggle ecstatically. Her heart ached for that life, for that dream. Because that's what she wished for every night, what she dreamt for every night, the scene that was before her. It haunted her, she would dream of nothing else but to have her wings back with her. But he was now someone else's, never to be hers again.

_I may have made it rain  
>Please forgive me<br>My weakness caused you pain  
>And this song is my sorry<br>_

She looked up as it began to drizzle, adding to her melancholy. She had no one to blame but herself. She had gone along with it, after all. And everything that happened since was all her doing. But it still hurt. She hurt. As she knew he must have once hurt when he'd learned of her past, of her weaknesses—because, she now firmly believed that what she'd allowed to happen with Doyle was a weakness on her part. She'd chosen to get close to Doyle and that had been the easy way. She should have tried harder; and she now knew that knowledge of that past weakness caused him pain. And for that she was deeply sorry.

_At night I pray  
>That soon your face<br>Will fade away_

As she continued to watch on, as the happy family had their dinner, she realized now that all she could ever be to him was a nameless bystander passing by, always on the outside looking in. She would pray this night, and every night until she got her wish that his face would fade from memory, as she knew her face had surely faded from his.

_And everytime I try to fly  
>I fall without my wings<br>I feel so small  
>I guess I need you baby<br>And everytime I see you in my dreams  
>I see your face, you're haunting me<br>I guess I need you baby_

Even though she was not better off without her wings, she knew that he was better off without her to carry. It was better for him this way. So she had to try to find a way to fly on without her wings, without his love or support.

She may have needed him, but it was clear to her now that he did not need her anymore.

* * *

><p>Well, hope you liked it. I didn't really specify which one of the BAU boys it was that she was looking in on. But, it was definitely one of them and I'll leave it up to you to insert who you want in that spot. I just wanted the whole thing to be nameless.<p>

Again, this was my first song fic ever, and I'm kind of prepping for my admission to the theme song challenge on Chit Chat on Authors Corner, so definitely let me know what you think of this one.

Thanks!


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